Just Like This
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: Do you ever wonder what it's like to die?" What a quesetion for a lazy afternoon. [d1, for yagyuu's birthday]


Yagyuu woke one morning to very enthusiastic knocking on his bedroom door. Niou greeted him when he opened it, with a grin on his face.

"Your mother let me in," he said. "She told me that you'd been sleeping long enough. Let's go somewhere."

"I think I should get dressed first." Yagyuu really had no desire to go out first thing in the morning clad in nothing but a pair of boxers.

"Who needs clothes?"

"You're not a nudist, and neither am I." Yagyuu grabbed some clothes quickly, before Niou could get impatient enough to drag him out as he was.

"Where are we going?"

"To the park."

Yagyuu didn't bother to ask why, or what was going through Niou's mind. He didn't mind going to the park with Niou, even if it was early; he liked the park, and he enjoyed Niou's company, as surprising as that was. Niou shouldn't have been the kind of person he liked to be with, but against all odds, he was.

Niou found a spot to his liking and sprawled out on the grass with his hands behind his head. Yagyuu wondered if he had suddenly taken up cloud-watching, or if there was something behind this trip. Yagyuu sat beside him, and waited to hear him out.

"Do you ever wonder what it's like to die?"

On occasion, Niou was struck with the odd profound thought (rather than his usual mischievous or dirty ones), and Yagyuu was usually the one he voiced those thoughts to. Yagyuu enjoyed those times, because that was when he got to see the real Niou; the Niou that not many other people got to know.

"I try not to." Yagyuu had no desire to speculate on things like that; it was a depressing subject.

"Come on, you must have thought about it at least once. Everyone does, right?"

"Maybe, but I try not to think about it on a regular basis." Niou must be in a bad mood. Yagyuu wondered what was wrong, but he didn't ask; Niou would tell him eventually, if he wanted Yagyuu to know.

"What if there's nothing? What if after you die you just disappear?"

"Then why worry about it? If there is nothing, then you won't realize it."

"But you wouldn't have any memories of anything you did during your life, so what's the point in living?"

Yagyuu plucked a blade of grass and rubbed it between his fingers. "You don't know for sure if that's what will happen."

"What if it does?"

"And what if it doesn't? What if there is a life after death that is better than this one?"

"How could it be better than this one?" Niou asked.

"I'm just trying to give you some different ideas."

"I don't want to disappear," Niou said. "I want to make sure that everyone remembers me, but why should I bother if I don't remember any of them?"

"Try to live for today, Niou-kun. Don't worry about the future so much."

"You'll remember me when I die, won't you?"

Yagyuu stopped playing with the piece of grass, and finally looked at Niou; really looked at him. He looked so lost today; and his questions were so depressed.

"Of course." How could Yagyuu ever forget Niou? He wasn't someone who would be hard to remember. Even if they parted ways at some point, Yagyuu would always think of him. "That is, provided you die first. If I die before you, will you remember me?"

"How could I forget you?"

"I'm not nearly as interesting as you are," Yagyuu said fondly.

"You're definitely interesting. You make everyone think you're such a good guy, but I know you better."

"Well, thank you."

Niou laughed at that, and rolled over onto his stomach. He began to tear handfuls of grass out of the ground, and make piles with them. There was silence, for a while; then Niou regained his thoughtful look.

"If there really is nothing after death --"

"There won't be," Yagyuu said. He couldn't take this anymore -- Niou wasn't supposed to be able to get depressed, wasn't supposed to be able to have these kinds of thoughts -- simply because he was Niou. Yagyuu still wouldn't ask what was wrong, and why he was thinking that way; but he was beginning to worry about his persistence in thinking about it, and what that could mean. He ran his fingers through Niou's hair, slowly; a gesture of comfort, really. He and Niou rarely touched each other, because neither were the type; but a small smile appeared on Niou's face.

"There will be a place for you that you'll like more than this." And if there wasn't, then Yagyuu would do anything he could to make him one.

"I still don't believe that theory."

"Why not?"

"There isn't anywhere that's better than here." Niou looked up at him, that small smile still in place -- and Yagyuu found that he agreed with Niou completely. There was nowhere better than here, in this moment; nowhere that could make him feel as calmly content.

"Then let's find somewhere to go together when we die," Yagyuu said. "Somewhere that's just like this."

"You're such a sap, Yagyuu."

"Don't tell anyone."

"Of course not. I'll keep that side of you all to myself."

Niou's grin was irresistible. Their lips met and they spent most of the day right where they were.

This was another side of Niou that not many other people would ever get to know; that maybe -- hopefully -- no one else would discover. Yagyuu wanted to keep it all to himself -- and he would give all of himself to Niou, if he wanted it.


End file.
